they're becoming self-aware!!!

The other day, I stumbled upon the blog of an old internet friend. This blog was from 2013/2014, the time when we were closest. The posts were generally cute updates on the mundane things happening in her life. It was funny to look back, and it made me wish I had kept something similar back then. Then I realized that I’m around the same age that she was when she wrote this blog. So I sat down to write a blog post similar to the ones she had made.

I tried and tried, but couldn't do it. I would have an idea, and then hate it. The thought that went through my mind was “This is so cringy. Nobody cares about this. Why am I writing this?” In everything I wrote, there was a layer of self-awareness that I think my older friends had lacked when they were my age. Whenever a young person is “self-aware,” people praise this person for being so mature or whatever. But I don’t think this comes from being mature. I think it just comes from seeing my older friends react to their past stuff, and not wanting that to happen to me. But would that really be such a bad thing?

The problem with this is that just because something is “cringy” doesn’t mean that it’s bad. Sometimes “cringy” things can be really valuable self-expression, and not expressing yourself because you think you might dislike what you made in a couple is just not constructive. I guess this self-awareness can be beneficial when trying to avoid being cringe-worthy (sorry I’m using that word so many times in this post…), but it’s not helpful when just trying to write honestly about the smaller things in life.

I worry that this self-awareness has crossed over into self-doubt, with a touch of perfectionism. I’m going to try to change my mindset when it comes to writing. I will still make these more “introspective” posts, but I’m also going to try to let myself write lighter stuff. I’m not a huge writer (or reader, for that matter), but I hope it helps me write more, as well as making me more confident in what I make in general.